so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
