life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
