Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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