pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
