so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
