Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
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I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
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Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
They are going to name an STD after you.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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