margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
