i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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