just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
