So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
