i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
