i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
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the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
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I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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