Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
