Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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