we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
