these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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