my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
