Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
