Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
