I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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