i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
