When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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