just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many bounce houses so little time
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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