I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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