This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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