There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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