i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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