Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
