Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
