I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
