Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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