We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
