Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
