that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
