why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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