I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
