3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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