its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
