Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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