How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
