In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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