Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
