he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
