You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
