He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
