I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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