im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
