No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
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