i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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