omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
