Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You smell like stripper and shame
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
