yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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