I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
