I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
