Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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