Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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