roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
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Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
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Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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