If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
