Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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