I looked at my own cervix.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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