I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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