i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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