im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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