Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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