Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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