is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
