Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
