worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
