we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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