i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
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I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
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I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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