The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
This toilet bowl is my home.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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