So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
