someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
