youre lurking in front of me
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
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I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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