Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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