no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I cut my penus on the lid.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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